What Are We Really Teaching Our Children?

A little while ago, during my daughter’s school orientation, we were asked to complete a Family Media Agreement together.

We chose a few values we wanted to keep in mind as a family.

Balance.

Independence.

Open-mindedness.

Then we agreed on some simple things around devices, privacy, spending, screen time and how we would behave online.

At the time, it felt like one of those useful school exercises.

Something you sit together, discuss, sign and move on from.

Then one day, I did something that did not quite match what we had agreed.

My daughter noticed.

And she questioned me.

Not rudely.

Not dramatically.

She simply reminded me that we had agreed on something together.

That moment stayed with me.

Because somewhere in my mind, I had probably treated the agreement as something mainly meant to guide her.

She had not.

We had signed it together.

So it applied to me too.

That took me back to the question I left at the end of my last piece.

What do we really want to teach our children?

The answers come quite easily.

Work hard.

Be kind.

Be responsible.

Do not compare yourself too much with others.

Understand the value of money.

Be grateful for what you have.

Spend less time staring at a screen.

All sensible things.

But I am beginning to think the more difficult part of parenting is not deciding what to tell them.

It is looking at how we ourselves live.

If I tell my daughter not to compare herself with others, what does she hear when adults compare careers, houses, investments or achievements?

If I tell her money is not everything, what does she see in the way I talk about money?

If I ask her to put the phone away, what does she see when I keep reaching for mine?

If I ask her to appreciate what she has, does she see me appreciating what I have?

That is where the question becomes uncomfortable.

Because advice is easy.

Living consistently with it is harder.

And perhaps children notice that gap much earlier than we imagine.

That small moment with my daughter made me realise she is growing in ways that are easy to miss.

Not just physically.

She is forming her own standards.

She notices inconsistency.

She questions.

She expects fairness.

She is beginning to decide for herself what makes sense and what does not.

And perhaps that is exactly what I should want.

But it also changes the responsibility for me.

Parenting is often described as guiding a child as they grow.

I am starting to wonder whether there is another side to it.

As she grows, I need to keep growing too.

Not because I need to become perfect.

I doubt any parent can.

But if I want to guide her well, I cannot simply rely on being older or being her father.

I have to keep examining the way I think, the way I behave and the things I ask of her.

Sometimes she may even be the one who points out where I have fallen short.

And perhaps that is not a failure of parenting.

Perhaps that is part of it.

Our children keep growing.

The bigger question for me is whether I am growing fast enough to guide her well.